Bittersweet expectations
by TheVillianStratigest
Summary: An Alternate Ending to Charles Dickens' Classic


_**December 19, 1838.**_

 _ **Cairo, Egypt**_

Even during the winter, Cairo's weather was nothing if not tolerable, though it would be weeks before five year old Pirrip would get used to the dry heat, a contrast to the damp cold of England.

Eleven years of this city had allowed it to become a second home to me- a second home, not my new home, and so I knew every street off by heart. My little step-brother, Pirrip, as all children are, was transfixed by everything he saw.

I had taken little Pirrip at Joe's reluctant consent from England to Herbert's firm in Cairo not two weeks ago, even when poor Biddy would have none of it.

 _(_ _ **Flashback)**_ _''Dear Joe'', I told him '' I must request you to lend Pip to me, one of these days. '' Joe was sceptical and suggested we take it up with Biddy, whom already refused on grounds of my being a bachelor. It was a long gruel, but I finally convinced them to let me take Pip to visit Cairo, to get to know each other. One must lift the latch before he can walk through the door._

'' _Little Pip will need me when he's older.'' I told them, ''He must learn to be a gentlemen, he must. I will take care of him.''_

And so it came to pass that Pirrip would spend Christmas with me in Cairo. He could scarcely go wanting. At this evening hour, we were walking along the Nile River through the Garden City, a wonder of its own. Earlier this afternoon, I had taken a splurge and took Pirrip on a ferry along the Nile, which was nothing like the Thames River of London.

All the while, Pirrip and I had talked immensely, getting to understand each other very well, until there was nothing else to talk about and silence took over. We stood at the edge of the bank, looking over the Nile, when a servant came running to me from the street, asking if I would stop and wait, for a lady in a carriage wished to speak to me.

I quietly told Pirrip to stay quiet as we waited for her to step out of the carriage.

'' Estella'', I exclaimed. My heart began to quicken as old memories flooded in.

On the first glance, Estella looked much the same as when I had last seen her, but her eyes were different. Once proud, they were now softer, almost sad. Then she blinked and the softness disappeared under a veil once more.

'' Pip'', she said.

I motioned towards a bench, but she shook her head. Then Pirrip forgot my command, and blurted out; '' who are you?''

Estella's face twisted into a small smile, of amusement, but I reacted first. I knelt down on one knee and explained to my namesake that a gentleman must never interrupt. Pirrip nodded sullenly and looked down.

Estella did something I once would not have expected and introduced herself to Pirrip, and I noticed that her tone was softer, friendlier even, with a tenderness that she had never expressed to me at that age. I told her so a minute later.

'' I am greatly changed'', she replied, '' I almost wondered if you would recognize me.''

'' I would always recognize you'', I told her.

* * *

In the eleven years that had gone by, I had heard only bits and pieces of Estella's life, but they all pointed to her leading a most unhappy one. Her husband, Drummle had become quite known as compound of pride and brutality, and used everyone he considered inferior- including Estella- with great cruelty, until one day he took it too far with his horse, two years ago.

If a dog is whipped enough times, eventually it will turn on his master, and the same goes for horses, too. Estella attended his funeral for formality's sake. Had I not been so busy at the time, I would have attended for her sake.

Beyond this, I knew little of what had happened with her.

'' This is to be my new home,'' Estella declared. I was surprised. '' You left England?''

'' Oh, I was happy enough there... but my husband insisted. 'Better opportunities', he said. Bah! He just wanted to be away from Jaggers. ''

Up until that moment, I cannot deny I felt a bubble of hope swell in my chest, but at the word 'husband' it burst like an acid bubble. '' You remarried?''

Amazingly enough, or perhaps not so amazingly, Estella smiled, that twisted smirk of amusement that substituted for a long merry laugh. '' So I am. In fact, I believe he is to meet your friend for an appointment tomorrow for a last minute order. ''

Years of being a gentleman had taught me the art of keeping my emotions to myself, but I think she saw my feelings etched on my face, even for the briefest glimpse, before I nodded. '' Who?'' I asked.

'' You would know him. Not very well but he says he knows you from the village. His name is Wilson Hubble.''

At the name Hubble, I did remember. Mr and Mrs Hubble. Friends of great-uncle Pumblechook, they had not at all struck me as nice.

'' Hubble?'' I exclaimed, sick at the idea of Estella bearing the last-name of the couple that had hurled veiled insults at me all evening long that fateful Christmas. Arrogant to a fault, my memory drew distinctions to them resembling my first impression of Drummle. I had long assumed that they and their children never left the village. I was wrong.

'' What did he have to do with Jaggers?'' I asked.

She shrugged. '' I wouldn't trust his version of the story, and beyond that I never cared to find out. But he found the favour of Mr Jaggers several years ago, and now he is a lawyer. Not a decent one mind you. He styles himself as the next great Jaggers, as if to pretend that any wealthy client still finds him hireable. He is lavish too, known for throwing extravagant parties every day.''

'' Is he wealthy?'' I asked her.

She smiled again, '' If it were not for my own personal fortune, he could scarcely afford his rum, never mind the spices, or the cigars, or the jewels. And he knows it. But he cannot stop. Will not, in the case.''

'' Do you deceive and entrap him too?'' I asked, recalling her statement years ago.

She shook her head. '' I told you, I am greatly changed. I ceased that game long ago.'' In that moment, I knew that she did not lie. For that I was thankful. But I was still unresolved.

'' Why did you marry him'', I asked?

'' He is kind, and intelligent.'' _Not like Drummle,_ went unspoken.

I wanted to argue, but desisted. I had tried to warn her away from Drummle, and she did not listen. It was too late in any case. I could argue with her for hours over Hubble and would accomplish nothing.

'' I am kind,'' I finally said.

'' You are,'' Estella admitted. Her smile disappeared. '' But not intelligent. An intelligent man would have given up many years ago. ''

I did not know what to say to that.

Young Pirrip was keeping quiet, though the look on his face clearly stated that I was in for a barrage of questions later.

It could not have been more than a minute but the silence stretched like hours. Finally, I looked up from the ground to Estella, smiling sadly.

'' I'm happy for you, '' I said at last, '' I really am.''

'' Are you?''

'' I am. Because you didn't let heartbreak and suffering break you. You found someone else. You found _something_ else and kept going. '' _And you never let Miss Havisham's teachings into your heart. You found your own heart again._ I thought, but did not say. And at long last, I forgave the ghost completely, not for me, but for Estella.

Estella's smile returned, not a smirk this time, but a small, genuine smile, that appeared for the briefest moment. She raised her hand up and I reached to take it, yet at the last second she withdrew it. '' I have thought about you much, very often of late. For a time I pushed all thoughts of you away. Our paths have intertwined, but never joined. And yet-''

''And yet,'' I persisted?

'' I have learned much, from fortune and misfortune alike, and I have become stronger, than any misfortune, and I understand you. I understand what your heart was before. Love someone else Pip, love someone else with all your heart. Love someone who will not be ignorant of it's worth. You will never be happy elsewise. ''

Memories of the last eleven years surfaced, during which I had known several bachelor women. Many were genuinely kind; others felt only the need for profit. Regardless, those short, loveless affairs never lasted. I never knew whether I pushed them all away in the end, or if they drifted off themselves. That is, until now.

'' How strange you would give that advice, '' I said.

'' There can be no love between us Pip. There never was. But there is no reason for us not to remain friends, surely? ''

I looked directly into her eyes directly into her eyes when she finished speaking, wondering what emotions veiled and unveiled, that I might find. Her voice was strictly matter of fact, but her eyes could not conceal their hope- hope for forgiveness, I realized in an instant, hope to keep what she finally understood for it's worth. Hope that our friendship might yet endure, despite all hurts it suffered, old and new.

Five tense, painful seconds ticked by, before I nodded my head at last. '' We are friends.''

The relief that shone in her eyes at that moment was worth more than any jewel I had ever laid eyes on. Even when concealed with a stiff nod, as if she expected it like she expected the clock to strike noon the next day.

* * *

It was several minutes later, as Pirrip and I resumed our walk home, before he finally spoke up.

'' Are you sad?''

I shook my head, '' No, I am not sad. I am happy.''

'' You already said that. But you look sad. Did she make you sad?"

''It's a long story, Pip. We have a long history together. I knew her when I was only a few years older than you.'' And then I began to tell him stories, about all the times I had known Estella, starting when I first met her at the gates of Satis House. I struggled to keep things simple, for the world of a child is a simple one. He frequently interrupted and I indulged him this one time. I answered his questions without hesitation, even if they brought back sad memories.

And when I was done talking, he asked me one final question; ''do you think we'll see her again?''

'' I shall expect it, Pirrip'', I said, '' I have great expectations.''


End file.
